Purpose Driven Life

I just got back from a week-long staff retreat in Nasugbu, Batangas. Everyone who works for W0rld Visi0n in the whole entire Philippines was there (Yup, Luzon, Visayas, and Mindanao). It has been a complaint of mine that in our office, there's not a papa in sight so I was truly looking forward to this retreat to a) get away from the city (and the trauma that came with the Milenyo typhoon) and b) see some eye candy to get my hopes up again that one can find love in the workplace. Little did I know that b) would be the other way around. By the second day, Kuya Orly already expressed his surprise to me that a bunch of guys from the National Office were asking about me (nagbilang pa siya ng daliri sa kamay to make sure he got the right count ha). My lovely friends would probably be rejoicing right now to find out about this, but hold your horses. We're back to the same issue again: it's not about who or how many gets attracted to me, it's about who takes some action (Yabang a, feeling madaming naaattract sa kanya. HaHa!).

But enought about my angts...

This annual staff retreat is about thanksgiving, praying, and resting for the upcoming fiscal year. An audiovisual presentation was shown on the second day about the accomplishments of last year. For the corporate world, they would probably flash sales figures and profit margins and give awards to people who made the most sales. At W0rld Visi0n, they flash pictures of children and the communities they have helped. They pray to thank and give glory to the one responsible for everything that has happened (No Employees of the Year in this organization, folks). The organization's target each year is to increase the number of children who gets sponsored and thus, gets to go to school. I can't explain how that gives me a sense of pride as well as honor to be part of this organization. I'm truly thankful that God led me here, that He heard the desires of my heart. I'm where I've always wanted to be.

But with joy comes pain, as our seminars reminded us. This career path is not a bed of roses. It's hard to find comfort in the fact that I know I'm not getting what I know I deserve (Yes, I'm greedy and selfish). It's hard to make peace with the fact that my future is not secure despite trying to give that security to others. It's hard to balance reality and idealism. It's hard to keep going on when you know that people you love the most don't want the same thing for you and you keep wondering everyday if they're right.

The underlying question that I want to know the answer to is "Is it really worth it?," but the answer lies in the end when you can't do anything about your future anymore and you don't know if you're right person to find out the answer to that question.

Praying. Truly, that's what I need to do more of this coming fiscal year.