The Heat Is On

Call me naive, (Hey, Naive!), okay, don't call me naive, but it looks like I should do more of my trip planning while I'm here in Seattle. I initially thought that I was just going to fly to Manila and play everything by ear, but what was I thinking?!

1. Internet is sloOoOow in Manila, plus it's paid by the hour.
2. There are no public libraries in town; I can't research.
3. Hopping from one ticket office to another is a trip in itself.

I looked at both websites of Philippine Airlines and Cebu Pacific Air last night and I think I'm going to go crazy trying to figure everything out. I know jack!

If I fly to Davao, would it be easy to work my way up to Manila? From Davao, I want to go to Cebu, then check out the other islands in the Visayas region. But how easy (and safe) is it to go to those other islands? Do I just ride a boat or what? Ugh! How come I don't have relatives in other areas of the country?! *SIGH.

Going internationally is a wee bit tougher. You know how they say that once you go first class, you never want to go back? Well, I feel that way about hotel rooms. HeHe. Who knew I had a maarte bone in my body! Anyway, I thought I was going to cross out Japan on my list because I sooo can't afford lodging, but I really want to check this out. I want to go to Singapore, but when does the climate stop being humid (or does it ever?). China is out of the picture because I don't want to pay for a visa. Thailand depends on whether my cousin is going there or not. I can plan for South Korea once the great Alan gives me the lowdown.

Ahhhh! Decisions, decisions. Is it really that hard to figure this out? Has anyone traveled to any of these places?

I was also looking at my Belgium and Hong Kong pics and I'm like, "I don't want to travel alone!" with matching stomping my feet a la temper tantrum. I mean, none of those pics had me in them! Blasphemy! What's the point of traveling without going narcissistic, right? Wait na lang kaya ako until I have a bf para siya ang ulirang photographer ko? Okay, shut up, don't even say it. LoL.

Costume Change

Giving up on your dreams is not an option at this stage of the game. Whatever setback may have occurred, it doesn't mean that your goals and ambitions are kaput. What it actually signifies is that your path may have a few more twists and turns than you originally expected. So no matter what, hang onto your high hopes, because they haven't been dashed -- they're just behind a curtain, doing a quick costume change.

Okay, fine. Maybe, I should take a scriptwriting class then.

With my kind of *ahem illusions of what real love is and my knowledge of constructing sentences, by golly, I think I can come up with something decent for the big screen.

I don't think I'm witty enough to come up with plot twists for Korean flicks, but maybe I can shoot for adding a little more oomph in those oh-so-predictable romantic Filipino movies. I mean, seriously, was it that hard to come up with the premise for Now That I Have You (People just want to find that one person they're destined to be with)? I can do that!

So there, I have a whopping ONE option for my "Maybe I'm Not A Marketer Afterall List." Let's see if I could come up with some more.

We're Gonna Party Like It's Your Birthday

Through time, humans sought to find answers to many profound questions. Some wanted to know whether the world is indeed round. Some questioned whether God exists. Some wondered if there are other living beings outside of Earth.

For me, there is only one big mystery in this world and that is finding the answer to this: if you're celebrating your birthday live on national television and you watch a video tape recording of your family and friends greeting you, is it really that touching? Does it really make you cry? Is it really that surprising that these people wanted to wish you a happy birthday?

I would really like to know. I mean, ever since I could remember, I've seen those tall birthday cakes on TV, and time and time again, the same thing happens. There is no doubt in my mind that I'm not the only one who knows what's going to happen when the birthday celebrant appears from behind the curtain and starts lipsyncing.

I'll never be able to personally experience such an event so if any of you become an artista, please let me know. I would be glad to make a taped shout-out for you. You could then tell me if it made you cry and thus, solve this big mystery for me. HeHe.

Sky's The Limit

7,107 islands. 1 girl. It's on!

I finally bought my plane ticket for next month and with an open date return flight, the possibilities are endless!

Girlalu

Since Papa and I will be traveling around the world Asia soon, it is time for him to dress the part of a traveler.

But since I know he will look good in anything, it's more important to buy something that would benefit his owner. I don't want a masculine, black, messenger-bag-type laptop case. I want a girlalu laptop case.

Hence, I want this. And for the last twelve hours, I've been trying to figure out which color to buy. I'm still clueless. The pink one screams cuteness, but it won't match with everything in my wardrobe. Plus, it's just too darn bright. The light green is great, but will get dirty easily. However, I think it's a nice complement to my silver Papa. The silver/gray one is nice because it's like having a black-will-match-with-everything-case, but it will get dirty easily as well.

Which one would you buy?

I Got You Babe

Hooray for Costco! The supposedly missing roll of film that had the rest of my Belgium pics and the beginning of my Hong Kong ones was found! Hence, my photo album now makes sense! LoL.

Although, the two pictures that I took of Victoria Harbor at night turned out bad. I'm starting to think that I have shakier hands than old women because my shots always turn out fuzzy. Tsk. Tsk.

It Had To Be You

I watched A Perfect Match again. There's a scene where the guy friend says to the girl, "If you're single at our age, it's either you're ugly, or there's totally something wrong with you."

And yes, I'm the first to admit that there's something wrong with the way I think and that is I don't tolerate b.s. Well, as long as it's not blatant b.s. Hence, I don't buy that "Oh, I've been busy at work so I couldn't call you" crap. I consider that blatant b.s. and if you need to validate my point, check out The Book.

So all I want to know is, what makes guys break the silence after 6 months (sometimes 5 years *ahem)? What provokes them to do such an act?

It's like out of the blue, "Hey, how are you?" And I'm thinking, let's see, I'm alive 365 days a year, and you just thought of asking how I am now? And this is after I thought we had established the adage, "Out of sight, out of mind" already.

My point is friends are there through thick and thin, not "once in a blue moon-when I feel like being a nice person." There's nothing wrong with my line of thought about this subject matter, right? I'm just a woman with feelings, dammit! LoL.

Home Is Where The Girl Is

For those wannabe homebodies out there, the best way to learn how to be one is to become unemployed.

I would love to take a couple of dance classes right now to alleviate me from this emotional funk, but that would require some money. I would love to buy a new printer right now so that I could print out resumes, but that would cost some money (Why my current printer had to break down now is still a mystery to me). I would love to spend time in Vancouver for a day since I have so much time on my hands right now, but, well, you get the drift.

Hence, I'm home all the time these days. Quite a stark contrast from a year ago when my summer was filled with capoeira classes, cooking classes, dance classes, and the infamous seven-days-a-week work schedule. Ho hum, ho hum.

But I have been quite productive at home:

1. Finished Felicity Seasons 1 & 2
I've had them for almost two years, but never had time to watch them until now. It's funny to see cameos of Jennifer Garn3r and Donald Fais0n when they were still unknowns. And yes, Scott Sp33dman needs to find his way back to primetime TV.

2. Speaking of which, TV is now my bestfriend
If you need to be updated on the latest shows, just ask me. From VH1's "100 Greatest Child Stars" to TFC's "Kampanerang Kuba," I know the scoop! (Not like I'm proud of that or anything. HeHe)

3. Organized my photo discs
Hence, the Orlando 2004 photos to your right, complete with captions. I need a scanner though for the West Palm Beach leg of that trip.

4. Therapy sessions via AIM with The Twin
Krung-filled, angst-filled, PMS-filled conversations can get the most depressed chick on the block to smile again. Sis, it feels like 2003 all over again!

5. I've finally cleaned my room
It's so clean, you can eat off the carpet...now that you can actually see the carpet. The status of my room is a reflection of how I'm feeling inside. Hence, it has been messy, dark, and lifeless the past month. Now that it's clean, I guess I am feeling better. Or maybe, the fact that it's clean now made me feel better.

6. Tada! A new layout
Okay, so for once in my life I sold out to a template made by a stranger. But that's the kind of change I need in my life (Ha! How's that for an excuse!). And ever since Pen pointed out that the former layout looked like the Backstr33t Boys' "Black&Blue" cd, I felt the need to quickly change it.

7. Reply button
I'm a personal e-mailing machine right now. You know you like seeing me on here and in your inbox! LoL.

So in a nutshell, this time off is doing me some good. I'm even considering not finding a temp job anymore just because I do want to take the time and do the things I've been meaning to do at home, but never had time for...plus I don't want to miss Christian's acting debut on TV. LoL. Just kidding!

The Reason

I'd like to think that there is a reason for everything. So having said that, either I have figured out those "reasons" or I've got them all wrong again. Being the optimist that I am *cough, I'd like to think it's the former rather than the latter.

There is a reason why I lost $500 in March and I didn't pursue a one-year-lease agreement on an apartment. There is a reason why I didn't splurge on home appliances and such. There is a reason why I was able to visit Hong Kong and China (nevermind the reason why I was able to visit Belgium) in May. There is a reason why I can't afford to buy a home now which would've put me in debt for the next 30+ years (rough estimate). There is a reason why I have a brand new digital camera. There is a reason why my United Airlines Premier Mileage Plus membership card came in the mail two days ago.

I've made up my mind as to what I'll be doing next with my life. I guess I've known it all along if you dare count the times I've mentioned it on here. I've forgotten about it once the new year arrived, but God sure did a good job in making sure I remembered my plan.

I've applied to only two jobs so far in the last three weeks and even if I got a call from one of them, I don't think I'll be happy pursuing either one of them right now. I need a break. I need to keep a promise to a friend. I need to make sure that I do have a "happy birthday" this year. I need to use money as a tool rather than a slavedriver.

Things to do: Find a temp job for one month here in Seattle. Buy my plane ticket (one-way or roundtrip?). Figure out if I can afford Tokyo and Seoul...and if I can actually get around town with my English-only self. Let God know to take it easy on me (I keep forgetting to do this!). Stop feeling like I'm wasting my time on non-income-generating activities (term popularized by The Big H...and that's not a fat joke, Kuya! LoL). Live life while I'm young (and smart, and beautiful, and...sorry, got carried away there. LoL).

Wish me luck? Wish me luck. Wish me luck! (Take your pick.)

You Are Not Alone

(As posted by Primo.)

They call it the "Quarter-life Crisis."

It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are a lot of things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now. You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you do not realize is that they are realizing that too and are not really cold or catty or mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.

You look at your job. It is not even close to what you thought you could be doing or maybe you are looking for one and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and are scared. You miss the comforts of college, of groups, of socializing with the same people on a constant basis. But then you realize that maybe they weren't so great after all.

You are beginning to understand yourself and what you want and do not want. Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging a bit more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and add things to your list of what is acceptable and what is not. You are insecure and then secure. You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.

You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you or you lay in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough to get to know better. You love someone but maybe love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you are not a bad person. One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap and getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic.

You go through the same emotions and questions over and over and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision. You worry about loans and money and the future and making a life for yourself and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender!

What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out. Send this to your twenty-something friends...maybe it will help someone feel like they are not alone in there state of confusion that are our postgrad years!

The First Three Dates

According to Will Smith (as told on Oprah's After The Show):

First Date: Showing yourself at your best
Your first date should consist of doing something that you're good at. If you're good at bowling, then go bowling. It will give you self-confidence to show him/her a good first impression.

Second Date: Showing your range and exchange
Your second date consists of showing else what you like, what your other interests are, etc. Also, this is a way for you to get a response from the other person.

Third Date: Showing it all
Your third date consists of just being yourself, letting loose. By this time, you should be able to tell if you should still pursue this person, if there's a future at all.

Someone please pass this along to Kris Aquino. If I were in her shoes, I would've been upset that James didn't tell me about his kids early on. I wouldn't have been impressed about his honesty; I would've questioned why it came so late. It's hard to be honest to Kris Aquino? What?! She's got all her everyday friends who tell her the truth day in and day out. As humans, we all deserve honesty from people around us, sister!

See? This is what happens when a girl has been deprived of good men in her life: at the first chance of someone treating her decently, she mistakes him for being "The One."

She can do whatever she wants with her life (I'm not paying for the wedding afterall), but my point is that if it's real, there's no need to rush things. Kung para sa iyo talaga, walang kahit na sino na makakaagaw.

Ako Ay Pilipino, Sa Puso, Sa Diwa...

...at sa gawa.

I would have never guessed in a million years that I would do what I did today. I (drumroll, please) watched the Night of the Champions concert. And if that wasn't enough, in the morning (or should I say lunchtime), I actually waited to see them at their guest appearance at a Filipino store. I know, I know, throw away that conyo label, folks, because I'm now legitimately "maka-masa." (Beat that, all Philippine politicians!)

I'll save you all the nitty-gritty details of how this came about. All I can say is that everything was spontaneous, something I have left out of my life for quite some time.

At the guest appearance, they arrived a whopping two-and-a-half hours late. Filipino time is alive and well in America. I stood by the door and witnessed Christian and Poor Girl walk in. First impression of the love of my life? He looked like any other Filipino boy in the Philippines (as expected by yours truly). Poor Girl? Hmph. The funny thing is Sheryn actually walked in with them, but I swear, I didn't even notice her until she was seated already. Tsk. Tsk. Then, came Mark. He was wearing sunglasses; I was turned off immediately. LoL. Ate J and I didn't bother to stay to wrestle with the die-hard fans, nor did we bother to wait for the rest of them. Dimsum was waiting for us at the other side of the mall...and yes, I can eat dimsum with chopsticks now. Whoop, whoop!

Afterwards, we went to the concert venue and bought last minute $30 tickets (Didn't I say everything today was spontaneous?). While standing in line to get in, I swore to myself that I will never, ever attend such events again. A room full of die-hard Filipino fans is not a place I thrive in. I'll keep it at that. LoL.

Anyway, I smiled, screamed (at Christian and Baste), laughed (at Sheryn...I'll save my comments for Pen on AIM, hahaha!), and felt all lovey dovey thanks to all the romantic songs. All these raw emotions that I haven't felt in awhile just came out. And as much as I would've been ashamed to admit that I went to such an event, I don't mind telling. They made me feel better and let me forget about my current problems. Besides, why be ashamed for watching people who actually have talent to perform? Masyado bang defensive? HeHe.

With all their usual ASAP inspirational songs (think Disney soundtracks, haha!), I kind of got a little teary-eyed...okay, maybe that's something I'm actually ashamed of admitting. HeHe! If there's any truth that dreams do come true, these people are great examples. If they didn't pursue their dreams, they wouldn't have these opportunities. If they didn't go for it, these people would've probably never set foot in America ever (something they're all happy about that's why I'm mentioning it). In a nutshell, they gave me hope. Yes, Frenchy gave me hope. ROFL. You gotta be a major hater to not be happy for these people for the things they have achieved so far in their short careers...even if it's the achievement of stealing my man. Sige na nga, kay Poor Girl na si Suplado Boy. Ibalik mo yan sa akin kapag tapos ka na ha! LoL.

Good times indeed. Just what I needed.

Request for Proposal

Instead of quoting Mariah Carey's "Through the Rain," let me just babble...

God and I are having another one of those father-daughter fights. He wants it (whatever it is) to go His way while I was hoping to go my way. The thing is God is not a straightforward Man. He can't just tell me what He wants me to do. He just pushes me to go one way, then puts up these barriers that forces me to take detours. He probably thinks I'm still this overachieving high school student who goes after everything and anything. Like my own parents, God has no clue that I've grown up (says the calendar).

Well God, I'm not in high school anymore (not even in college anymore!): I'm not worried about getting 4.0s anymore; I'm not on the dance team anymore; I'm not volunteering anymore; I'm not clubbing on the weekends anymore. All I care about these days is having a career. And once I have that, I can buy a house and live peacefully on my own. And after I have that, maybe, just maybe, I can lure a non-metrosexual, uber nice, God-fearing (or Buddha-fearing), faithful, and responsible young man into my life. I just want those three things...one-at-a-time. Are those too much to ask? Sure, the last one may be troublesome, but surely, a career is quite do-able, don't you think?

I mean, if you want me to be a nun, tell me (but first give me four days with Ken, Rae Won, Sang Woo, and Jun-Ho...make it five with Christian). If you want me to be a stay-at-home wife/mom, fine. But please provide me a husband. If those aren't what you want for me, then are we agreeing that having a career now is the way to go? Sounds reasonable, yes?

I'm going to stop hiding under the covers and pick myself up tomorrow. Many people have counseled me and offered to take me out to lunch. They've done their work. I'm choosing to do my part by putting everything behind me. Now, I'm asking for your help. Lead me to where You want me to go. Here are some of my ideas:

1. Stay in Seattle; work at the hospital full-time; take evening classes for the graphic design certificate
2. Teach English in Korea (there's a deadline for this one)
3. Find a marketing/advertising job outside of Washington
4. Go to Manila; take a long break; be a bum in order to figure out my life
5. Career change (please tell me you don't want me to be a nurse)

I have options. Yes, I do, but I'd hate to do one of those and find myself out in the streets again after two months. My ego can handle a lot of bruises, but my threshold for pain is a different story. Help me. (And yes, I promise I won't be bitter anymore about not seeing Tokyo...and staying at a 5-star hotel...and seeing Sanrio Puroland...and getting a Tokyo Starbucks mug...and oogling at Japanese boys....okay, okay, no more bitterness).

No More Kodak Moments

To redeem myself from the disappointment of not coming home with a digital camera after my Hong Kong trip, I bought one last week and today, it arrived at my doorstep. Contrary to popular belief, digital cameras are not cheaper in Hong Kong. Well, maybe if you're trying to buy the latest and greatest, it's cheaper in Hong Kong. Like the Sony T7 sells for $501 in Hong Kong; here in the U.S., it sells for $499, but with tax, it's significantly much more expensive.

Anyway, goodbye old school rolls of film. Speaking of which, I lost one roll of film. It's the roll with the rest of my Europe shots and the first half of my HK shots. Blasphemy. I thought it was the film that I dropped off at Costco, but it wasn't returned to me. I'm thinking that I dropped off a blank film. So, the said roll is either mixed in with my other blank rolls (hence, I'm screwed) or I lost it (hence, I'm still screwed). Hmph.