Start of moment of weakness -->
I'm single.
Don't get me wrong, I appreciate the wonderful efforts of my love recruiters. Really, I do. And yes, I really do have love recruiters. LoL. Spanning three continents, even. LoL. Their efforts aren't in vain; I just need to wait before I can reap the fruits of those endeavors. HeHe.
Why can't I, or others, find me a guy here? Granted, I'm not trying to find anyone; I'm simply waiting to be found. Ack! LoL. Seriously though, why can't I find someone like me around here? Someone who got kidnapped by his parents and brought to Seattle at an early age; who desires nothing more than to go back to the Philippines (kasi baliw din tulad ko); who speaks Tagalog just as well as English; who graduated from college, but who's miserably unemployed also; who shares the same family drama as I do; who's straight (hahaha); who watches Morning Girls and Oprah everyday (okay, sige, huwag na lang yan); and (since I'm just wishing here) who's pogi and tall. Grabe, talagang ginawang want ad ang website! LoL.
I guess my point is why can't people be "here" rather than "there"? Why can't "there" be "here"? When I heard about someone's wedding proposal story that happened in the Philippines over the holiday season, I was super duper kilig, but quickly got sad over the fact that they can't be together because he's "there" and she's "here." *SIGH.
For someone who truly believes that actions speak louder than words, this "worlds apart issue" is truly tragic. I was chastising someone yesterday after she jokingly declared that she would pick money over a lovelife these days, but in reality, isn't that what all of this separation is about...money (and citizenship laws, hahaha)?
So for those who have their significant other, friends, and family members close by, please realize that you are all so very lucky. *Hikbi*
<-- End of moment of weakness
Tuesday, January 27, 2004
Monday, January 26, 2004
I Believe I Can Fly
This is what happens when I have no one to talk to on AIM or YM: I start pondering about life. No joke. LoL.
I realized that everything in my life is going wrong. Yes, I agree, count your blessings each and every day. However, if those blessings aren't bringing food to the table, then you've got a serious problem, right?
I vividly remember telling Belle and Gio during dinner in 2002 how everything in my life was going well except for one thing: my lovelife. Two years later, the lovelife is still missing in the equation (hahaha), but along with it is everything else that was going well before. In other words, my life right now is completely upside down.
Although, really, I think everything boils down to not being able to jumpstart my career at this point in time. I have always gotten what I've set out to do, but this time, it's quite different from those other times. Want to turn that volunteer job to a paying one? Got it. Want to go to college? Got it. Want to transfer universities? Got it. Want a part-time job with the City of Seattle? Got it. Want an A in Calculus? Got it. Want an internship in the Philippines and have the time of your life? Got it.
I have always believed that if you work hard for it, you will get it. I expected that my hardwork in college will be rewarded with a full-time career in marketing. My expectations have not been met. Currently, I have nothing to show for the blood, sweat, and tears of the past four years, and to put it bluntly, it sucks. My ego/self-esteem/self-worth has been shrinking since July, and today, it is the same size as a speck of dust.
The following is an excerpt from Rosa's blog that I found inspiring a couple of weeks back. I need to start believing again:
so, in everyone's life, i guess, there will be a time in your life when you believe you can do everything. and, for the most part, you could.
maybe reality kicks in after you hit 25. and when reality kicks in, you somewhat stop believing in yourself. you're not as cute anymore, or you're not as young anymore. all of a sudden things stop being simply amazing. and then you stop believing in superwoman you and start thinking that, hey, i'm only human. and you allow yourself little failures here and there and you let go.
no one ever told me that when you stop believing, you also stop doing.
i've stopped running full steam ahead. maybe it's cause i started thinking i was in way over my head. or maybe i just stopped believing in my own greatest product: me.
forget all the new year's resolutions which include me keeping my things neater or me cutting back on buying shoes.
it's time to once again believe in me.
and maybe when i start doing that, i'd be the superwoman everyone -- for some reason -- believes i am.
I realized that everything in my life is going wrong. Yes, I agree, count your blessings each and every day. However, if those blessings aren't bringing food to the table, then you've got a serious problem, right?
I vividly remember telling Belle and Gio during dinner in 2002 how everything in my life was going well except for one thing: my lovelife. Two years later, the lovelife is still missing in the equation (hahaha), but along with it is everything else that was going well before. In other words, my life right now is completely upside down.
Although, really, I think everything boils down to not being able to jumpstart my career at this point in time. I have always gotten what I've set out to do, but this time, it's quite different from those other times. Want to turn that volunteer job to a paying one? Got it. Want to go to college? Got it. Want to transfer universities? Got it. Want a part-time job with the City of Seattle? Got it. Want an A in Calculus? Got it. Want an internship in the Philippines and have the time of your life? Got it.
I have always believed that if you work hard for it, you will get it. I expected that my hardwork in college will be rewarded with a full-time career in marketing. My expectations have not been met. Currently, I have nothing to show for the blood, sweat, and tears of the past four years, and to put it bluntly, it sucks. My ego/self-esteem/self-worth has been shrinking since July, and today, it is the same size as a speck of dust.
The following is an excerpt from Rosa's blog that I found inspiring a couple of weeks back. I need to start believing again:
so, in everyone's life, i guess, there will be a time in your life when you believe you can do everything. and, for the most part, you could.
maybe reality kicks in after you hit 25. and when reality kicks in, you somewhat stop believing in yourself. you're not as cute anymore, or you're not as young anymore. all of a sudden things stop being simply amazing. and then you stop believing in superwoman you and start thinking that, hey, i'm only human. and you allow yourself little failures here and there and you let go.
no one ever told me that when you stop believing, you also stop doing.
i've stopped running full steam ahead. maybe it's cause i started thinking i was in way over my head. or maybe i just stopped believing in my own greatest product: me.
forget all the new year's resolutions which include me keeping my things neater or me cutting back on buying shoes.
it's time to once again believe in me.
and maybe when i start doing that, i'd be the superwoman everyone -- for some reason -- believes i am.
Friday, January 23, 2004
On Life
I just got home from visiting my grandmother in the ICU unit; she was admitted today. Everything is alright, so my sanity is still intact.
Watching her sitting on her bed made me realize how important it is to do everything you've ever wanted to do while you're still young. Many years into the future, when I'm in the same position, I hope to have a smile on my face as if to say, "Hey, don't worry about me being in here. I've lived a good life. If I get stuck in this room from now until whenever, it's not a problem for me because I have nothing else to do; I've done everything that I've wanted already."
Watching her sitting on her bed made me realize how important it is to do everything you've ever wanted to do while you're still young. Many years into the future, when I'm in the same position, I hope to have a smile on my face as if to say, "Hey, don't worry about me being in here. I've lived a good life. If I get stuck in this room from now until whenever, it's not a problem for me because I have nothing else to do; I've done everything that I've wanted already."
Monday, January 19, 2004
Now I Know
Please tell me I am not the last person to know.
I played The Black Eyed Peas' "Elephunk" CD today for the first time. My first reaction was "Wow, I can dance to this." I have checked out both of the Neptunes' CDs and found them hard to listen and groove to (Dancing King would've been utterly disappointed at me). I expected to feel the same way with The Black Eyed Peas (they are both from the hiphop genre, right?), but low and behold, the opposite was true.
So there I was, just sitting on the couch while the CD was playing, and suddenly, I hear Tagalog words. I was like, "The heck?! Did the CD stop playing and MusicMatch automatically play one of the MP3s on my comp?!" Nope, the CD was playing "The APL Song" which contains Tagalog lyrics, which finally told me that Allen Pineda is indeed Filipino (Ever since the "Where Is the Love" video came out, I have been wondering what the heck he was). Again, please tell me I am not the last person to know all of this.
I played The Black Eyed Peas' "Elephunk" CD today for the first time. My first reaction was "Wow, I can dance to this." I have checked out both of the Neptunes' CDs and found them hard to listen and groove to (Dancing King would've been utterly disappointed at me). I expected to feel the same way with The Black Eyed Peas (they are both from the hiphop genre, right?), but low and behold, the opposite was true.
So there I was, just sitting on the couch while the CD was playing, and suddenly, I hear Tagalog words. I was like, "The heck?! Did the CD stop playing and MusicMatch automatically play one of the MP3s on my comp?!" Nope, the CD was playing "The APL Song" which contains Tagalog lyrics, which finally told me that Allen Pineda is indeed Filipino (Ever since the "Where Is the Love" video came out, I have been wondering what the heck he was). Again, please tell me I am not the last person to know all of this.
Sunday, January 18, 2004
The Human Factor
I went to the library after work to pick-up my three holds. Since the beginning of the year, the library had put up a holds section where you get your holds yourself (versus the librarian getting them from their backroom). I didn't mind that since I figured the check-out line would be faster that way.
Today, I found out that there's another new thing in the library: self check-outs. Instead of the librarians scanning the barcode, you have to do it yourself now. What in the world? Call me old fashioned, but when I go to the library, I expect to interact with the librarians in some way. Actually, anywhere I go, I expect to interact with people period. If I didn't want to interact with people, I would just stay home. I'm guessing that other places will be adopting this trend soon and I'm not looking forward to it. *SIGH. I want human interaction back!
Today, I found out that there's another new thing in the library: self check-outs. Instead of the librarians scanning the barcode, you have to do it yourself now. What in the world? Call me old fashioned, but when I go to the library, I expect to interact with the librarians in some way. Actually, anywhere I go, I expect to interact with people period. If I didn't want to interact with people, I would just stay home. I'm guessing that other places will be adopting this trend soon and I'm not looking forward to it. *SIGH. I want human interaction back!
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