It's Time

It took me twenty-something years to realize it. Call me late, but at least now I know. I realized today that it's "better" (for me) to leave someone behind rather than be the person to have been left behind. I guess, God has been trying to tell me this, but I just never paid enough attention to notice it until now. I'm also guessing that this is His way of telling me to quit worrying about "The Curse" after all these years. I know at least a couple of people rolling their eyes already; I know, I should've listened to you guys! Let this day be the beginning of my non-martyr days.

Those Three Words

I'm laughing out loud right now because I just looked at my site statistics and it's looking like people are curious to find out what I did this weekend. It's nice to know that my site visitors are a bunch of optimists. {;P It's either that or you all want to hear some drama. HeHe.

On Friday, I finally got a haircut. If that doesn't indicate my emotional well-being, then I don't know what does. HeHe. Anyway, I thought that things will be different this year regarding Feb. 14. I thought I was jaded and bitter enough not to be affected. So all this time, I've been listening to 106.9 FM (which I call the "Love Station"); I've been watching romantic comedies everyday since the start of this month (Did you all know EdTV was a romantic comedy?!); and been around to hear people's plans with their significant other without any resentment whatsoever. It turned out that I wasn't manhid enough. While listening to Boyz II Men's "Legacy" CD on Friday night, tears just started flowing. I think it happened between "Doin' Just Fine" and "4 Seasons of Loneliness." I wasn't bawling like what usually happens when I'm very upset about something. I wasn't even thinking about love at the time; for crying out loud, I was playing Bejeweled on MSN! LoL. So how and why the tears came, I really don't know and I don't care to analyze it for now.

So on Saturday morning, I woke up with puffy eyes. What a perfect statement to make for Feb. 14. LoL. I went to work as usual. Since we didn't decorate the office, I didn't have to be alone for a long period of time, staring at anything and everything red and pink. On my way out of the building, a grandma asked me to help her with the parking meter. I swear, if there is someone lost in the city and/or need help, he/she will eventually find me and ask me for directions. LoL. At UW, at least once a month, a stranger would come up to me to ask how to get to a place. Guest speakers, parents, students, homeless people, all of them would ask me where to go. And all this time I thought I had an antipatika aura! HeHe. After figuring out that the parking machine/meter was defective, grandma thanked me for helping her out. Hence, I felt good and had a smile on my face for the first time that day. Current mentality: Who the hell needs a boyfriend?! HaHa.

I came home and found the whole house to myself. Yay! A couple of hours later, my sister-in-law and Ganda Girl showed up. My sister goes, "Sino ka-date mo tonight?" She said it so innocently that I couldn't scream at her. LoL. I simply replied, "Si Ganda Girl ang date ko." And can I just say what a great date she was? We were eating dinner and out of the blue she says, "I love you, Ninang!" I was stunned to say the least. No one was coaching her; no one was trying to teach her to say it; she wasn't trying to get me to do anything; she just plain said it just like that. I said, "I love you, too, Ganda Girl!" without hesitation.

The point (because there is one! HeHe): so that's what it feels like. That's what it feels like when someone says those words in person and you have no doubts that the person meant it. You weren't thinking, "Okay, what does this person want from me?" or "What is he trying to prove?" or "Does he really mean it?" or whatever thoughts that usually cross my mind when some bastard decides to ruin my sanity by dropping the "three words." {;P

Anywhoobers, enough drama. Unlike most people, my year actually starts after Feb. 14. It's like this big hurdle and after I get through it, I can go on with my life. Hence, that's what I'll be doing. To put it simply, I'm back to my man-hating ways starting today. HeHe. I tried to be this open-minded, vulnerable chick for 1.5 months, but clearly, that didn't do me any good. Ahh, see? Can you sense the bitterness? The real MiNA is back, folks! ::counting the days to see how long this mindset will last::

Through The Fire

While the people of the Philippines are still singing "Because of You" in unison, I'm singing lipsynching to a different tune:

Through the Fire
by Chaka Khan

I look in your eyes and I can see
We’ve loved so dangerously
You’re not trusting your heart to anyone
You tell me you’re gonna play it smart
We’re through before we start
But I believe that we’ve only just begun

When it’s this good, there’s no saying no
I want you so, I’m ready to go

Chorus:
Through the fire
To the limit, to the wall
For a chance to be with you
I’d gladly risk it all
Through the fire
Through whatever, come what may
For a chance at loving you
I’d take it all the way
Right down to the wire
Even through the fire

I know you’re afraid of what you feel
You still need time to heal
And I can help if you’ll only let me try
You touch me and something in me knew
What I could have with you
Well I’m not ready to kiss that dream goodbye

When it’s this sweet, there’s no saying no
I need you so, I’m ready to go

Chorus

*SIGH. It's my FnF (Feel na Feel) song of the moment. Pinagtiyatiyagaan ko lang nga yung Paolo Santos version. If anyone is bestfriends with Papa Nyoy, can you ask him to sing the song, and kindly send me the MP3? I've never heard him sing it so I'm hoping to see him live soon (before the acoustic trend dies) so I can request it during the gig.

I'm Lovin' It

If you're trying to lose weight or eat healthier, please do not read the next paragraph. I mean it!

Eight months after it was launched, I finally tried a McGriddle, more specifically, a Bacon, Egg, and Cheese McGriddle. One bite into it and I could've sworn I didn't need a boyfriend this week! Yes, it was THAT good! HaHa. Well, for someone who wakes up to cold cereal every single morning, any breakfast not in a bowl is considered gourmet already. However, the McGriddle is really something else. *SIGH. I think I've fallen in love. ;P (The bastard contains 550 calories, though. Why can't I ever find a perfect boyfriend?! LoL)

I was able to have something to go for breakfast today because I was out of the house to go shopping. I am desperately trying to find my annual February 14 gift to give to myself (Pathetic how that may sound, it has done me good the past two years. HeHe). Unfortunately this year, I'm really not lusting for anything "materialistic" to buy. My life is so pathetic I can't even find anything to take care of my pseudo-happiness! Tsk. Tsk. ;P

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I swear, when it comes to cute guys, my memory never fails me. HeHe. Isn't Marque Lynche the Tate Lynche from Mickey Mouse Club? It's been almost ten years since the show ended, so you all can admit now that you watched the show back in the day when The Disney Channel was still a premium cable channel. {=P Seriously though, isn't he the same guy? I remember him saying he had a really long real name and hailing from some town in Florida during MMC days, so him saying, on American Idol, that he's from NYC is confusing the heck out of me. It sounds like he moved to NYC for college, so maybe that's why he's reppin' NYC? He's definitely looking guUuUud just like his more famous co-mouseketeers (eww, haven't used that term in forever, haha).

Anyway, he caught my eye because a) during his audition, he sang a Shai song (you'll always be #1 in my book if you sing one of their songs, haha) and b) he reminds me of Dancing King. Did you see his muskles? Yes, not muscles, but muskles. Did you see his broad shoulders? Did you see his great posture? That is soOo Dancing King. I had goosebumps while Marque was walking because it was like re-living the trauma that Dancing King brought to my life. HaHa. But yes, since Marque looks good, and he's a sing-uh and a dans-uh, then there's got to be something "wrong" with the boy. I don't think I need to say it, so I'll just let you all fill in the blanks and say, "Dancing King lives!" while I cry myself to sleep tonight. HaHa.

Revealed

I had a revelation today about this whole unemployment drama. I had been struggling to figure out why it's been frustrating for me and why I feel the way I do. The answer? It's because there's no justification for my being unemployed. If I had bad grades in college, if I had flunked a class, or if I had been fired from a previous job, I think I would be more accepting of my situation. However, the opposite is true and that's why I'm bitter. Knowing is half the battle, you know. {;P

"Punta ka na dito kasi madami work opportunities especially if they know na you're a US graduate." For the umpteenth time, my cousin tried to pursuade me, via e-mail, that the land of opportunities is the Philippines and not the U.S. HaHa. I don't know if his theory holds up, but I guess that's for me to find out. I do know that I have more work experience than the graduates from the Philippine universities. I take some pride in the fact that I don't have to go as far back as elementary school accolades to fill up a one-page resume...unless Philippine companies really want to know that I won the school Spelling Bee in the 5th Grade. HeHe.

A couple of days ago, I found a blog of a Japanese-American Cal (UC-Berkeley) graduate who recently moved to Japan to work for Toyota, which of course gave me crazy ideas in my head about moving back to the homeland. If this boy can do it, why can't I do it? I also re-read one of Yoda's e-mail to me from several months ago about me working for a multi-national company in the Philippines so that it would be easier for them to transfer me to the U.S. when my idea of fun has ended in Manila. Suddenly, these two individuals' ideas are much more appealing to me than my sitting by the phone/computer each day waiting for a hiring manager to send me an invitation for an interview.

Here's the funny part: What were the first things that I thought of as negatives to this bright idea (besides leaving family, of course)?

1) Internet access is going to be sloOoOow in Manila.
2) I'll have to leave my beloved computer behind.
3) I won't have a car.

Sad, isn't it? HaHa. I'm sorry, but I really did fall asleep once in Manila while waiting for a website to load. No joke! But who needs DSL at home when I have UP-Diliman privileges? Right, Belle? HeHe. Second, I can't imagine leaving my computer behind (Mon, now I understand why you had that kind of first impression of me, haha), but then I realized that texting is available, which should be good enough for instant messaging without the 17-inch screen in front of me. So, the only problem is the car issue. Granted, I did survive 3 months in Manila without a car, and I did treasure the various taxi moments I had (haha!), but you just can't take a car away (for an extended period of time) from a spoiled brat, folks. Come to think of it, I spent 75% of the time at home during the work week because I didn't have a car. Although, even if I did have a car in Manila at that time, I don't think I would have been calm enough to drive it anywhere. =P

My cousin, however, had a solution to my last problem: "Punta ka dito at hahanapan kita ng boy kasi mas madalas na kami kasama ng mga high school friends ko kasi lahat kami single...hehehe." Isn't he great? HaHa. Goodness though, a room full of LSGH alums. Should I be worried? HeHe.

Anyway, so this week, I plan to write down a timeline. I need to write down when my "cut-off" date is as far as applying for jobs here, another "cut-off" date for waiting for miracles to happen, a date to start arranging the logistics of this crazy idea, etc.

(Oh, one other HUGE problem I can't forget: There's no Target in Manila! The horror! Pen, you'll send me stuff AND take pics of the aisles, right? HeHe!)