Teach me to trust in You with all of my heart
To lean not on my own understanding
'Cause I just forget
You won't give me what I can't bear
Take me out of the dark, my Lord
I don't wanna be there
- Gary Valenciano's "Take Me Out of the Dark"
I got the winter blues. {=( I tried to deny it (in case you're wondering why the new layout is blinding yellow) since I didn't want to start the new year with such negativity, but my efforts are futile. I was really hoping to start the year employed, but I turned down my JWM/JWB last week. I've been sick so I haven't been able to appreciate the recent snow-filled days. Since college ended in July, loneliness has been poking its ugly head out. Then, there's the "family cycle" that's been keeping me down and out. Even stalking Kasoy Boy's profile on Friendster is not helping me much (if anything, it's making it worse by realizing what I cannot have in life, LoL) *SIGH. I might have to resort to cutting my hair before this week is over to relieve the sadness; no pretty long hair for the two upcoming weddings. Double *SIGH.
I took out Gary's Revive CD to umm...revive me, but realized that "Take Me Out of the Dark" was not on it (I eventually had to turn to his Greatest Hits Volume I album).
I really wish I had the courage to pack my things and move to a faraway place where I can start anew and remove the "excess baggage" I've been carrying all these years. You know what's keeping me alright these days? Oprah's words on Larry King Live in early December; she said that in your 20s are the most confusing times of your life. I agree.
Tuesday, January 6, 2004
Sunday, January 4, 2004
Backpacking
I had no idea that there are hostels in the Philippines! However, if you look through the site, you'll find out that they're not really hostels. Okay, maybe they are hostels, but they're sosyal hostels. LoL. Not like I have a problem with that since the only thing that's preventing me to go on a backpacking trip is staying in communal spaces with strangers (and having to use icky bathrooms in the process). But I'm really gung-ho now to go on a Philippines backpacking adventure.
Saturday, January 3, 2004
The Complete 411
I don't know what I'm going to do with myself anymore. Three days into the new year and I already broke my mini-resolution (it's not the most important thing in the world, so it's "mini" LoL).
I told myself that in 2004, I wasn't going to be antipatika to guys anymore. I told myself that if the guy asks me out once, I can say no if I didn't want to go. But if he begs and pleads the second time around, I should give him a chance. I told myself that if he asks to buy me a Christmas gift, I should let him instead of declining the offer. Who knew that these things are easier said than done?!
It is true that you don't know what you've got until it's gone. It's not like I'm here wallowing in my misery or anything, but I should've at least given the guy a chance. Afterall, I did know the guy's college GPA (HeHe), we both had the same outlook towards living here in Seattle, and we simply had the same interests. The "fate factor" was clearly there months later, playing its part. However, I was just too heartless and blind to see what was in front of me at that time.
So realizing this little problem of mine a few days before 2003 ended, I told myself that I'll be different in 2004. I had a shot to put my mini-resolution into practice today when I received a few strangerster messages on Friendster. Sadly, my amiable self (do I even have one?!) never showed up to reply to those messages.
I used to say that I hate wasting my time, but since I have all the time in the world these days, then that's not a legit excuse anymore. It's really a trust issue then. *SIGH. I guess, the best thing to do, if you're going to set me up with someone, is to forward his college transcripts, NBI/FBI clearance, resume, an 8x10 picture, medical charts, and other pertinent information to me as soon as you can. If his parent(s) is/are "important" in some way, do tell me now. Don't let me find out a year or so later, unless you want me kicking myself over and over like I have been doing lately. Once I have all of these info, maybe, just maybe, I will actually get my act together in 2004. For now, I'll just have to cry every single time I see a can of cashews. {;P
I told myself that in 2004, I wasn't going to be antipatika to guys anymore. I told myself that if the guy asks me out once, I can say no if I didn't want to go. But if he begs and pleads the second time around, I should give him a chance. I told myself that if he asks to buy me a Christmas gift, I should let him instead of declining the offer. Who knew that these things are easier said than done?!
It is true that you don't know what you've got until it's gone. It's not like I'm here wallowing in my misery or anything, but I should've at least given the guy a chance. Afterall, I did know the guy's college GPA (HeHe), we both had the same outlook towards living here in Seattle, and we simply had the same interests. The "fate factor" was clearly there months later, playing its part. However, I was just too heartless and blind to see what was in front of me at that time.
So realizing this little problem of mine a few days before 2003 ended, I told myself that I'll be different in 2004. I had a shot to put my mini-resolution into practice today when I received a few strangerster messages on Friendster. Sadly, my amiable self (do I even have one?!) never showed up to reply to those messages.
I used to say that I hate wasting my time, but since I have all the time in the world these days, then that's not a legit excuse anymore. It's really a trust issue then. *SIGH. I guess, the best thing to do, if you're going to set me up with someone, is to forward his college transcripts, NBI/FBI clearance, resume, an 8x10 picture, medical charts, and other pertinent information to me as soon as you can. If his parent(s) is/are "important" in some way, do tell me now. Don't let me find out a year or so later, unless you want me kicking myself over and over like I have been doing lately. Once I have all of these info, maybe, just maybe, I will actually get my act together in 2004. For now, I'll just have to cry every single time I see a can of cashews. {;P
Friday, January 2, 2004
Snow Break
Snow, I love you. Really, I do. You're one of the few reasons that makes me happy about living in the U.S. But really, can you stop falling for now? You were cute on Tuesday night, but not anymore. Trying hard ka na niyan ngayon eh.
It turned out that while I was working hard at configuring Blogger last night, snow was falling yet again outside. When I woke up this morning, it truly looked like a winter wonderland. It was a very picturesque scene indeed. Later today, I looked outside to see snowflakes dropping again and I couldn't help but frown. I have to show up for work tomorrow (I am not allowed to call-in sick despite my very legit sick self), so I need those streets to be clear. Please, oh please, let the forecast for tonight be wrong!
It turned out that while I was working hard at configuring Blogger last night, snow was falling yet again outside. When I woke up this morning, it truly looked like a winter wonderland. It was a very picturesque scene indeed. Later today, I looked outside to see snowflakes dropping again and I couldn't help but frown. I have to show up for work tomorrow (I am not allowed to call-in sick despite my very legit sick self), so I need those streets to be clear. Please, oh please, let the forecast for tonight be wrong!
Thursday, January 1, 2004
A Silent Night...And Day
I'm welcoming the new year with no voice. As much as I would like to lie and say that I lost my voice because I partied hard last night (I was actually asleep way before midnight), I won't. I can thank nasty phlegm for clogging up my vocal chords enough to make me a mute for the past two days. I didn't even show up for work yesterday although I'm kind of thankful because I had a solid excuse not to risk my life by driving on the snow-filled roads.
So what is in store for me this coming year to warrant such a silent welcome? Does this mean I'll have a peaceful year? Does this mean a lovelife is coming which would finally allow me to stop complaining? Or, does this simply mean that I need to go to the drugstore soon to pick up some anti-phlegm stuff (is there such a thing?)? I have 365, err, 364 days to find out.
So what is in store for me this coming year to warrant such a silent welcome? Does this mean I'll have a peaceful year? Does this mean a lovelife is coming which would finally allow me to stop complaining? Or, does this simply mean that I need to go to the drugstore soon to pick up some anti-phlegm stuff (is there such a thing?)? I have 365, err, 364 days to find out.
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