"Hell is the knowledge of opportunity lost; the place where the man I am comes face to face with the man I might have been." -- Unknown
Why is it always so hard for me to take the second best thing? Why do I always just pursue one thing and that one thing alone? Why do I focus on the closed door rather than the one that's wide open? Why do I always want what I can't have? Why don't I risk everything for something that wants me instead of risking everything for something that might not want me in the end?
It's here. It wants me for who I am. It believes in me. It promises me all the knowledge that I need and want. It will allow me to forget the past heartaches. It will pay me. It will allow me to say that I got what I had set out to do...sort of.
And that "sort of" is what is troubling me. I need an attitude adjustment big time. As Kat asked me, "What do you want: a job or a location?" Umm, both. LoL.
Dear self, what's wrong? You said Philippines, didn't you? It is in the Philippines. It may not be on Emerald Avenue in Ortigas (HaHa!), but it is in the Philippines. Scared of being out of your comfort zone? Weren't you about to teach English in Japan last year? Hello? Everything you've been doing in the last seven months has been out of your comfort zone; what the hell is new? There's nothing you cannot do when you're brave, strong, determined, gutsy, and friendly. Don't you want to finally reap the benefits of all your troubles? Aren't you tired of waiting, waiting on broken promises, waiting in vain, waiting for people to come around and realize your worth? You're not going to be alone. You'll have a roof over your head, food to eat, and a family that chose you. That's more than you'll ever need. Someone will be there to hold your hand, but if He ever gets tired, He will send someone else to do it for Him (HaHa!).
The second best thing can be THE best thing if you give it a chance. Stop chasing the dream; start living it. Now.
Saturday, March 4, 2006
Friday, March 3, 2006
Two Wrongs Don't Make A Right
Actions speak louder than words, but words are easier to comprehend. Say what you want to say. Ask what you want to ask.
Erase the what-ifs. Erase the could've-beens. Erase them all.
No regrets. Absolutely no regrets.
100% all heart.
Let go.
Erase the what-ifs. Erase the could've-beens. Erase them all.
No regrets. Absolutely no regrets.
100% all heart.
Let go.
Thursday, March 2, 2006
Shedding Stateside
Ever wonder what kinds of people find you attractive?
Yesterday...
Taxi driver: Ma'am, saan po?
Me: Sa ABS-CBN.
Taxi driver: Magaartista po kayo?
Me: Hindi. Hindi ko carry.
Taxi driver: Carry naman po!
Today...
Taxi driver: Tabi kayo, nandito si Miss Universe!
Me: (Clueless that he was talking about me)
Taxi driver: Ma'am, kahit buong araw, puwede kitang ipag-drive.
Me: (Buti ka pa.)
Immigration guard to Ma'am Irma: Naks, ang ganda naman ng kasama mo!
Immigration staff: Ay, sino yang magandang kasama mo?
Add to that list Tacloban tricycle drivers, Starbucks baristas, security guards in Ortigas' Tektite and Antel Buildings. Pucha naman o. LoL. Kailan naman kaya ako PAPAnsinin niya? LoL.
Anyway, went to Immigration today for my appearance/hearing before one of the immigration lawyers. My application was approved and should now be in the bureaucratic hands of the Bureau of Commissioners. After three hard-to-get signatures, it should be ready...in one month's time. Ouch. Bilisan po natin. Nakasalalay po ang aking kaligayahan sa inyong mga kamay. Naks, straight Tagalog yan! LoL.
Afterwards, I, (insert my name here), rode an FX and jeep back to San Mateo. I walked my praning, Koreana-looking self to Lawton, then rode an SM Fairview FX to Philcoa, then rode a jeep to San Mateo. Total expense? P37. I spent more coming there when I rode the LRT, then a taxi: P64.
My independent woman facade is coming back, you guys! LoL. I'm a woman, hear me roar. HeHe. I wonder what to do for my next Pinoy adventure. Hmm...
Yesterday...
Taxi driver: Ma'am, saan po?
Me: Sa ABS-CBN.
Taxi driver: Magaartista po kayo?
Me: Hindi. Hindi ko carry.
Taxi driver: Carry naman po!
Today...
Taxi driver: Tabi kayo, nandito si Miss Universe!
Me: (Clueless that he was talking about me)
Taxi driver: Ma'am, kahit buong araw, puwede kitang ipag-drive.
Me: (Buti ka pa.)
Immigration guard to Ma'am Irma: Naks, ang ganda naman ng kasama mo!
Immigration staff: Ay, sino yang magandang kasama mo?
Add to that list Tacloban tricycle drivers, Starbucks baristas, security guards in Ortigas' Tektite and Antel Buildings. Pucha naman o. LoL. Kailan naman kaya ako PAPAnsinin niya? LoL.
Anyway, went to Immigration today for my appearance/hearing before one of the immigration lawyers. My application was approved and should now be in the bureaucratic hands of the Bureau of Commissioners. After three hard-to-get signatures, it should be ready...in one month's time. Ouch. Bilisan po natin. Nakasalalay po ang aking kaligayahan sa inyong mga kamay. Naks, straight Tagalog yan! LoL.
Afterwards, I, (insert my name here), rode an FX and jeep back to San Mateo. I walked my praning, Koreana-looking self to Lawton, then rode an SM Fairview FX to Philcoa, then rode a jeep to San Mateo. Total expense? P37. I spent more coming there when I rode the LRT, then a taxi: P64.
My independent woman facade is coming back, you guys! LoL. I'm a woman, hear me roar. HeHe. I wonder what to do for my next Pinoy adventure. Hmm...
Wednesday, March 1, 2006
Accuracy is Key
The Keys to Your Heart |
 You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free. In love, you feel the most alive when your partner is patient and never willing to give up on you. You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please. Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with. Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment. You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred. In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily. |
Tuesday, February 28, 2006
Close to You
At my job interview...
Would-be supervisor: So, you're single?
Me: Yes, I am. (I knew what was coming next.)
Would-be supervisor: Boyfriend? (Dammit!)
Me: No boyfriend. Is that a problem? (Trying to be funny. Emphasis on trying.)
Would-be supervisor: No, no, but it's important that we're all happy here.
Me: (#$*@#!)
I'm fully aware that I'm S-I-N-G-L-E. Do I want to be single? No. Do I need to be single? No. I've spent years (many, many years) thinking about what I'd do differently in my next relationship, what I will tolerate/not tolerate in a man, and how I will be to the next person that comes around. The sad reality of this is that when I'm finally ready to give my heart to someone else (yihee!), when I've changed my priorities to fit a lovelife in, and when I've shipped out all of my emotional baggages (there were lots!), there's no one worth giving my heart to who's going to take care of it as much as I have (I'm so cheesy! LoL). If the same people who wished I had a lovelife could present me with a man worth risking it all to (yihee!), then I wouldn't have this sickly feeling whenever someone gives me that pity look when they find out that I'm S-I-N-G-L-E.
Realizing that my lovelife is in God's hands, I have focused on finding a career. But look what I encounter in the process. Everyone always reminds me what I don't have. I'm just an innocent victim here! ;P
Feeling lousy about my lovelife after that interview, I decided to watch "Close to You." It wasn't a good idea. HeHe. Not because it was a crappy movie (it was far from that!), but because I was crying throughout the whole movie. Pucha! Trust me, if you watch that movie, it will remind you of me. Promise! LoL. Makes me think that Star Cinema reads my blog. LoL.
(Let me rant, please.)
If you've seen the movie, there's the issue of the John Lloyd character versus the Sam character. John Lloyd being the torpe, slow, insecure guy who doesn't have the guts to speak out about his feelings versus Sam who, after two short trips to Davao and Dumaguete, declared his feelings for Bea with a kiss. That's like what, a span of one week? So, I started thinking: who should the girl really end up with? The torpe boy or the straight forward boy? If the torpe boy can't fight for his love, what else can he not do (put away those inside jokes, people)? And what, the girl is supposed to wait on torpe boy to come around? Hello? And was John Lloyd's excuses of not saying his feelings valid? Was I supposed to feel bad for him when Sam and Bea got together? Wasn't it his fault that another guy beat him to the girl? Ooh, I sense some anger. LoL.
That's all. Good night. HeHe.
Would-be supervisor: So, you're single?
Me: Yes, I am. (I knew what was coming next.)
Would-be supervisor: Boyfriend? (Dammit!)
Me: No boyfriend. Is that a problem? (Trying to be funny. Emphasis on trying.)
Would-be supervisor: No, no, but it's important that we're all happy here.
Me: (#$*@#!)
I'm fully aware that I'm S-I-N-G-L-E. Do I want to be single? No. Do I need to be single? No. I've spent years (many, many years) thinking about what I'd do differently in my next relationship, what I will tolerate/not tolerate in a man, and how I will be to the next person that comes around. The sad reality of this is that when I'm finally ready to give my heart to someone else (yihee!), when I've changed my priorities to fit a lovelife in, and when I've shipped out all of my emotional baggages (there were lots!), there's no one worth giving my heart to who's going to take care of it as much as I have (I'm so cheesy! LoL). If the same people who wished I had a lovelife could present me with a man worth risking it all to (yihee!), then I wouldn't have this sickly feeling whenever someone gives me that pity look when they find out that I'm S-I-N-G-L-E.
Realizing that my lovelife is in God's hands, I have focused on finding a career. But look what I encounter in the process. Everyone always reminds me what I don't have. I'm just an innocent victim here! ;P
Feeling lousy about my lovelife after that interview, I decided to watch "Close to You." It wasn't a good idea. HeHe. Not because it was a crappy movie (it was far from that!), but because I was crying throughout the whole movie. Pucha! Trust me, if you watch that movie, it will remind you of me. Promise! LoL. Makes me think that Star Cinema reads my blog. LoL.
(Let me rant, please.)
If you've seen the movie, there's the issue of the John Lloyd character versus the Sam character. John Lloyd being the torpe, slow, insecure guy who doesn't have the guts to speak out about his feelings versus Sam who, after two short trips to Davao and Dumaguete, declared his feelings for Bea with a kiss. That's like what, a span of one week? So, I started thinking: who should the girl really end up with? The torpe boy or the straight forward boy? If the torpe boy can't fight for his love, what else can he not do (put away those inside jokes, people)? And what, the girl is supposed to wait on torpe boy to come around? Hello? And was John Lloyd's excuses of not saying his feelings valid? Was I supposed to feel bad for him when Sam and Bea got together? Wasn't it his fault that another guy beat him to the girl? Ooh, I sense some anger. LoL.
That's all. Good night. HeHe.
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