Anxiety

Over the weekend, I daydreamed of things to do today. Some of the ideas I came up with were cleaning my room, organizing my closet, watching a couple of DVDs, going to the library, finalizing my plane ticket for Colorado in May, but have I done anything since I woke up at 7:30 a.m.? Nopes. I can't sit still, I've just been going up and down the stairs, and worst of all, I have been eating anything and everything in the house. Stupid hormones.

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"But am getting tired of being tough anymore. Really. And no man can't seem to handle a woman like me..."

I just went to Belle's site (because I'm trying to find 100 ways not to do what I'm supposed to be doing!) and as always, I just have to take the time to "amen."

I'm not the clingy type. If I need to go somewhere, I don't need him to pick me up. If I want to buy a Sanrio letter set, another DVD, or a pint of Ben & Jerry's, I won't ask him to get it for me. If I go shopping, I don't need him to carry my bags (Although, it did feel nice when my male cousins did it for me while I was in Manila. Is that what they teach in Ateneo and LSGH? HaHa!). However, I'm not here to start singing "Independent Women" by Destiny's Child.

Just like Belle, I am tired. I wouldn't mind being picked up from work and eating dinner afterwards. I wouldn't mind looking at the things in my room and get reminded of when he gave them to me. I wouldn't mind my hand being kept warm by another one's hand (because I am not Korina Sanchez! LoL). I wouldn't mind being treated like a queen. And if anyone doubts that I should be treated like one, please refer to my birth certificate. HaHa!

I'd like to finally find someone who I like and who likes me back. I'd like to finally find someone who would save the day when superwoman couldn't do it anymore. I'd like to find someone who would finally allow me to stop whining about this subject. Because like I said, I am tired.

Back to Frustration Nation

Why do Filipino guys fall in lust so easily?

That's all I want to know...for now.

Any Time You Need A Friend

I never thought of writing one, let alone having to read one. When I got the chance today, I had tears in my eyes because I felt the pain of the person who wrote it, and felt the pain the person, to whom the letter was written for, must have felt after having read it. I never want to feel the same way again.

I told Pen yesterday that more than a boyfriend (believe it or not!), I would like to have a best friend: the kind of friend who will always be there when you pick up the phone, the kind of friend who will go with you anywhere, the kind of friend who will be there through thick and thin. I stopped having a best friend in tenth grade, a time when I thought it's better to be alone than waste my time with someone who never had my best interests in mind when I thought I had his. But in closing my doors, loneliness let itself in as the years went on.

Last month, I told Belle that a lot of, if not most, people are lonely; it's just that no one wants to admit it. I would just like to take this time now to say this before I regret not having the chance to have done it: To all of my site visitors and to my AIM/YM folks, if there's ever a time that you feel alone and wished there was a person to talk to, please don't hesitate to send me a message or e-mail me. I insist, I don't mind, and I mean it.

I may not be the girlfriend (or boyfriend) that you long for, I may not be there to physically sit next to you, I may not be able to make things right for you, but at least I'm someone when you think you have no one. The only rule I have is to make sure you let me know. I'm not a mind reader, I'm not a fortune teller, and I'm usually thinking about my own battles in life, so I'll probably never be able to guess that you're in a "certain situation" unless you tell me. Deal?

To the person who led me to write this entry, I'll be thinking about you this Sunday. I don't think I would have made any difference had I known you, but I just hope that you found the peace that you were searching for all this time.

In the System

I went to the City Hall today to fill-out my employment papers. I am now officially employed.

While driving there today, I realized that this is "it." From now on, I'll be working to live. I'll be working for my future. I'll be working for "grown-up stuff" that I can call my own someday like a house, car, Ikea furniture straight out from the catalog, Hello Kitty waffle maker...yes, that's a grown up thing, okay?! LoL.

Although trying to pick the best retirement benefits option gave me some confusion, the bigger obstacle today was...trying to find, and buy, work clothes. Dang, why was I not born with a kikay gene in my body? How come shopping is not my passion? Why can't I get excited about trying on clothes? When people say shop until I drop, how come I drop after 30 minutes?

Note to self: Learn how to be a girl for once. {;P

It's Not Easy Being Me

I find it amusing when I get to hear people's perception of me based on my website. It doesn't happen often, but when people do get the guts to tell me what they think, I'm really quite amused.

Bitter. Melodramatic. Hopeless. Confused. I would accept those as fair ways of describing me. I'll even take "crazy." But are those the words that I hear from my male site visitors? Nope. Since the beginning of this year, I've been finding out that their first impression, and maybe lasting one also, of me is that I'm a geek. A geek! Can you all believe that?! Geek meaning technology-savvy, cellphone-carrying, PDA-using, digicam-toting, DSL-loving woman. The heck?! I don't even own a cellphone! And when was the last time I mentioned anything geeky on here? Hmph!

Is this why I'm single?! Did Mr. Right visit this website before and said, "Hmm, she's not 'The One.' She's a geek. Let me continue on my journey."? Ack! The horror!

For the last time, I'm not a geek. I'm a normal, cute, intelligent, sweet ... (We interrupt this entry to let you know that MiNA just got hit by lightning. Stay tuned for further details.) {;P