You Are Not Alone

(As posted by Primo.)

They call it the "Quarter-life Crisis."

It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are a lot of things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now. You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you do not realize is that they are realizing that too and are not really cold or catty or mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.

You look at your job. It is not even close to what you thought you could be doing or maybe you are looking for one and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and are scared. You miss the comforts of college, of groups, of socializing with the same people on a constant basis. But then you realize that maybe they weren't so great after all.

You are beginning to understand yourself and what you want and do not want. Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging a bit more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and add things to your list of what is acceptable and what is not. You are insecure and then secure. You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.

You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you or you lay in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough to get to know better. You love someone but maybe love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you are not a bad person. One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap and getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic.

You go through the same emotions and questions over and over and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision. You worry about loans and money and the future and making a life for yourself and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender!

What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out. Send this to your twenty-something friends...maybe it will help someone feel like they are not alone in there state of confusion that are our postgrad years!

The First Three Dates

According to Will Smith (as told on Oprah's After The Show):

First Date: Showing yourself at your best
Your first date should consist of doing something that you're good at. If you're good at bowling, then go bowling. It will give you self-confidence to show him/her a good first impression.

Second Date: Showing your range and exchange
Your second date consists of showing else what you like, what your other interests are, etc. Also, this is a way for you to get a response from the other person.

Third Date: Showing it all
Your third date consists of just being yourself, letting loose. By this time, you should be able to tell if you should still pursue this person, if there's a future at all.

Someone please pass this along to Kris Aquino. If I were in her shoes, I would've been upset that James didn't tell me about his kids early on. I wouldn't have been impressed about his honesty; I would've questioned why it came so late. It's hard to be honest to Kris Aquino? What?! She's got all her everyday friends who tell her the truth day in and day out. As humans, we all deserve honesty from people around us, sister!

See? This is what happens when a girl has been deprived of good men in her life: at the first chance of someone treating her decently, she mistakes him for being "The One."

She can do whatever she wants with her life (I'm not paying for the wedding afterall), but my point is that if it's real, there's no need to rush things. Kung para sa iyo talaga, walang kahit na sino na makakaagaw.

Ako Ay Pilipino, Sa Puso, Sa Diwa...

...at sa gawa.

I would have never guessed in a million years that I would do what I did today. I (drumroll, please) watched the Night of the Champions concert. And if that wasn't enough, in the morning (or should I say lunchtime), I actually waited to see them at their guest appearance at a Filipino store. I know, I know, throw away that conyo label, folks, because I'm now legitimately "maka-masa." (Beat that, all Philippine politicians!)

I'll save you all the nitty-gritty details of how this came about. All I can say is that everything was spontaneous, something I have left out of my life for quite some time.

At the guest appearance, they arrived a whopping two-and-a-half hours late. Filipino time is alive and well in America. I stood by the door and witnessed Christian and Poor Girl walk in. First impression of the love of my life? He looked like any other Filipino boy in the Philippines (as expected by yours truly). Poor Girl? Hmph. The funny thing is Sheryn actually walked in with them, but I swear, I didn't even notice her until she was seated already. Tsk. Tsk. Then, came Mark. He was wearing sunglasses; I was turned off immediately. LoL. Ate J and I didn't bother to stay to wrestle with the die-hard fans, nor did we bother to wait for the rest of them. Dimsum was waiting for us at the other side of the mall...and yes, I can eat dimsum with chopsticks now. Whoop, whoop!

Afterwards, we went to the concert venue and bought last minute $30 tickets (Didn't I say everything today was spontaneous?). While standing in line to get in, I swore to myself that I will never, ever attend such events again. A room full of die-hard Filipino fans is not a place I thrive in. I'll keep it at that. LoL.

Anyway, I smiled, screamed (at Christian and Baste), laughed (at Sheryn...I'll save my comments for Pen on AIM, hahaha!), and felt all lovey dovey thanks to all the romantic songs. All these raw emotions that I haven't felt in awhile just came out. And as much as I would've been ashamed to admit that I went to such an event, I don't mind telling. They made me feel better and let me forget about my current problems. Besides, why be ashamed for watching people who actually have talent to perform? Masyado bang defensive? HeHe.

With all their usual ASAP inspirational songs (think Disney soundtracks, haha!), I kind of got a little teary-eyed...okay, maybe that's something I'm actually ashamed of admitting. HeHe! If there's any truth that dreams do come true, these people are great examples. If they didn't pursue their dreams, they wouldn't have these opportunities. If they didn't go for it, these people would've probably never set foot in America ever (something they're all happy about that's why I'm mentioning it). In a nutshell, they gave me hope. Yes, Frenchy gave me hope. ROFL. You gotta be a major hater to not be happy for these people for the things they have achieved so far in their short careers...even if it's the achievement of stealing my man. Sige na nga, kay Poor Girl na si Suplado Boy. Ibalik mo yan sa akin kapag tapos ka na ha! LoL.

Good times indeed. Just what I needed.

Request for Proposal

Instead of quoting Mariah Carey's "Through the Rain," let me just babble...

God and I are having another one of those father-daughter fights. He wants it (whatever it is) to go His way while I was hoping to go my way. The thing is God is not a straightforward Man. He can't just tell me what He wants me to do. He just pushes me to go one way, then puts up these barriers that forces me to take detours. He probably thinks I'm still this overachieving high school student who goes after everything and anything. Like my own parents, God has no clue that I've grown up (says the calendar).

Well God, I'm not in high school anymore (not even in college anymore!): I'm not worried about getting 4.0s anymore; I'm not on the dance team anymore; I'm not volunteering anymore; I'm not clubbing on the weekends anymore. All I care about these days is having a career. And once I have that, I can buy a house and live peacefully on my own. And after I have that, maybe, just maybe, I can lure a non-metrosexual, uber nice, God-fearing (or Buddha-fearing), faithful, and responsible young man into my life. I just want those three things...one-at-a-time. Are those too much to ask? Sure, the last one may be troublesome, but surely, a career is quite do-able, don't you think?

I mean, if you want me to be a nun, tell me (but first give me four days with Ken, Rae Won, Sang Woo, and Jun-Ho...make it five with Christian). If you want me to be a stay-at-home wife/mom, fine. But please provide me a husband. If those aren't what you want for me, then are we agreeing that having a career now is the way to go? Sounds reasonable, yes?

I'm going to stop hiding under the covers and pick myself up tomorrow. Many people have counseled me and offered to take me out to lunch. They've done their work. I'm choosing to do my part by putting everything behind me. Now, I'm asking for your help. Lead me to where You want me to go. Here are some of my ideas:

1. Stay in Seattle; work at the hospital full-time; take evening classes for the graphic design certificate
2. Teach English in Korea (there's a deadline for this one)
3. Find a marketing/advertising job outside of Washington
4. Go to Manila; take a long break; be a bum in order to figure out my life
5. Career change (please tell me you don't want me to be a nurse)

I have options. Yes, I do, but I'd hate to do one of those and find myself out in the streets again after two months. My ego can handle a lot of bruises, but my threshold for pain is a different story. Help me. (And yes, I promise I won't be bitter anymore about not seeing Tokyo...and staying at a 5-star hotel...and seeing Sanrio Puroland...and getting a Tokyo Starbucks mug...and oogling at Japanese boys....okay, okay, no more bitterness).

No More Kodak Moments

To redeem myself from the disappointment of not coming home with a digital camera after my Hong Kong trip, I bought one last week and today, it arrived at my doorstep. Contrary to popular belief, digital cameras are not cheaper in Hong Kong. Well, maybe if you're trying to buy the latest and greatest, it's cheaper in Hong Kong. Like the Sony T7 sells for $501 in Hong Kong; here in the U.S., it sells for $499, but with tax, it's significantly much more expensive.

Anyway, goodbye old school rolls of film. Speaking of which, I lost one roll of film. It's the roll with the rest of my Europe shots and the first half of my HK shots. Blasphemy. I thought it was the film that I dropped off at Costco, but it wasn't returned to me. I'm thinking that I dropped off a blank film. So, the said roll is either mixed in with my other blank rolls (hence, I'm screwed) or I lost it (hence, I'm still screwed). Hmph.