The I in Idealist

Yesterday was my first monthsary at Job #1. Although going to work doesn't excite me as much as other things do, I don't think there is much to complain about. I only drive 6 miles to get to work everyday. None of the traffic reports that I hear on the radio concerns me at all. I don't have to pay for parking. We have a water cooler in the office so I can maintain my 8 glasses of water/day regimen. The bathroom is right next door. Target is a block away. I have my own workspace and computer. I get to use my creativity in creating vouchers, flyers, newsletter contents, and cover letters, which is what I love to do. Although I've had bosses who were much nicer towards me, my Job #1 boss certainly doesn't rival the one in The Devil Wears Prada. I am definitely thankful for what I have right now. However, I still question whether this is what I'm meant to do.

During my website's early years, I included the Kabalarian's name report on my page to explain who I am. After six years, I decided to check on my name again. This line caught me for the first time: Your idealistic and sensitive nature gives you a deep appreciation for the finer things of life and a strong desire to be of service to humanity. I've checked some acquaintances' reports, and some actually said how great they would be at doing business. I compare those to mine, and mine actually states something about doing good for humanity; nothing at all about what I went to school for.

Since graduation, I've read What Should I Do With My Life? and most recently, The Alchemist, allowing me to be more confused than ever about my life. Am I really supposed to be the next Mother Theresa as what my name report said? LoL.

I was talking to our Marketing Coordinator this past week and she asked me what I wanted to do "when I grow up." Here I was thinking that when you're finally in the real world and have a full-time job related to your college diploma, that you're all grown up and that this is it. Apparently not. I told her that I wanted to put up a non-profit organization when I get older. She laughed because she said that we're both into not making any money at all for a career. HeHe. She then asked me what kind of non-profit organization and I said, "Bringing education to third world countries. Basically, I think I'm trying to be Oprah." She said that it was so obvious that I just got out of college and that she was like me when she was my age. I asked her if her idealism faded over the years and she said yes. She got married, had kids, and eventually, her priorities changed.

So, does this mean that my idealism will also fade as the years pass by? Does this mean that I'm not supposed to know what I'm meant to do in this world until I'm much older? Does this mean that I should just follow what society dictates and not give in to the stuff that I have read lately? Am I the only one thinking this way? Is it even normal to be this confused about one's existence? HeHe.