Another Detour

"Hell is the knowledge of opportunity lost; the place where the man I am comes face to face with the man I might have been." -- Unknown

Why is it always so hard for me to take the second best thing? Why do I always just pursue one thing and that one thing alone? Why do I focus on the closed door rather than the one that's wide open? Why do I always want what I can't have? Why don't I risk everything for something that wants me instead of risking everything for something that might not want me in the end?

It's here. It wants me for who I am. It believes in me. It promises me all the knowledge that I need and want. It will allow me to forget the past heartaches. It will pay me. It will allow me to say that I got what I had set out to do...sort of.

And that "sort of" is what is troubling me. I need an attitude adjustment big time. As Kat asked me, "What do you want: a job or a location?" Umm, both. LoL.

Dear self, what's wrong? You said Philippines, didn't you? It is in the Philippines. It may not be on Emerald Avenue in Ortigas (HaHa!), but it is in the Philippines. Scared of being out of your comfort zone? Weren't you about to teach English in Japan last year? Hello? Everything you've been doing in the last seven months has been out of your comfort zone; what the hell is new? There's nothing you cannot do when you're brave, strong, determined, gutsy, and friendly. Don't you want to finally reap the benefits of all your troubles? Aren't you tired of waiting, waiting on broken promises, waiting in vain, waiting for people to come around and realize your worth? You're not going to be alone. You'll have a roof over your head, food to eat, and a family that chose you. That's more than you'll ever need. Someone will be there to hold your hand, but if He ever gets tired, He will send someone else to do it for Him (HaHa!).

The second best thing can be THE best thing if you give it a chance. Stop chasing the dream; start living it. Now.