One Big Fight

A foreword:

I know Kuya Heinz.
Kuya Heinz knows Homer.
Homer knows Mike.
Mike knows Mark.

(And yes, we're such geeks for all having websites. HaHa!)

So back in November, when we were in Bohol, Mike said to me, "I have a friend who just moved to Seattle." My first thought was, "Eh?" For crying out loud, no one from the Philippines ever moves to Seattle. Okay, there's a huge population of Filipinos in Seattle, but no one I know ever moves to Seattle!

Today, I stumbled upon Mark's website and sure enough, Mike wasn't lying to me (not like I thought you were lying, Mike, but hey, like I said, no one ever moves to Seattle so I couldn't fathom the idea!). Looking at Mark's pictures truly made me miss Seattle even more. And it was quirky to read about his experience moving to "Seattle" while I compare it to how life has been for me here in Manila. While everything is new for Mark and KC in Seattle, everything he has written were all "old school" to me. I'm sure they would say the same thing about my "Manila stories."

For those who don't know, self-doubt has been larger than life for me these days. I went to an interview this past week and was told (yet again), "With your GPA and experience, why are you looking for work in Manila?!" While exchanging money at SM later that day, I met a man from New Jersey and he said, "Dito ka naghahanap ng trabaho?!" I've always been a good person (*ahem) who always did the right thing, so having the disapproval of EVERYONE I know about working here has been tough.

It's been so tough this past week that I ended up buying a copy of The Alchemist to get my spirits up again. Reading it for the second time didn't help me ease the emotional turmoil I've been going through, though.

Am I really that stupid to try to want to work in Manila? Is it worth it? Am I strong enough? Can I prove everyone wrong? Will I get the last laugh? Is education really priceless? Life is already hard, why do I want to make it harder? Can I find what I'm looking for in Seattle instead? How much do I want it? Do people really die not having done what they've always wanted to do? Does my family really know what's best for me? Do I really know what's best for me? Am I going to be a better person at the end of it all? Are people really happy taking the "safe" route? Has someone "succeeded" doing what I'm doing?

Those are just SOME of the questions in my head. I thought I knew the answers before, but I'm not so sure anymore.